Life changes…

Life just passes by us…

My mom told me today that I live too much in the moment. Only things is, I kind of like that. We have no clue what will happen so why try to plan for it?

It´s a strange feeling with my dad and all that has happened the last months. Everything passed so painlessly that we all can´t believe it. Literally.
It´s the weirdest thing in the world. One day, not knowing if he will survive, two weeks later sitting there having coffee and talking about what trips he wants to do.

Is there somebody up there who is just picking out randomly who should join his crew and who gets to stay or is it all pre-written? Is it already decided?
Honestly, I find that comforting. We spend way too much time worrying about things we can´t control anyhow, so  directing my mind to the  not-worry-what is meant to be will be-department” is occasionally very nice and keeps me sane.

But I have noticed that when we worry, the opposite thing usually happens. So if we doesn´t want something to happen the odds are on our side if we say to ourselves it will happen.

But it´s still strange isn´t it? You set your mind on something, you prepare for the worst and then life didn´t change at all. Or did it? Maybe…

Still life has gotta be about one thing – Being happy. Happy doing whatever you wanna do, being wherever you wanna be.

Not struggle, not suffer, not hating…

Sorry about all the flumish-werido-talk today…haha… I´m just in that mode.

Magical Barcelona

Barcelona…again… SO magical.
This time I tried to analyze what exactly it is that makes this place so special. I admit that I fell in love here about a year ago but since then I have returned 5 times without meeting him and it´s just as special every time!

I was sitting inside by our kitchen table, and I was totally mesmerized by the noise. THE noise. The background voices of people, dogs, cars, real close city noise.
Not the wind noise you hear in Stockholm, not the 401-freeway traffic you hear in L.A, nothing like that at all. This is different.

The spanish and Catalan people they live so close and so true to their feelings. Life is happening for real every day there.

The city itself is gold for me. It makes me happy just walking around there, doing nothing but walking, mile and mile…. The buildings, the everyday life that is so close, it´s right there next to you. The store owner discussing tomatoe prices with the farmer, the people opening the small boutiques in the morning,washing the windows, eating there chocolate cake and coffee con leche for breakfast. The small local cafeteria with the spanish men drinking their coffee, smoking inside, yelling at Real Madrid playing poor on the small tv screen in the corner of the bar.

Even the dirty street people in Raval, wispering Hola guapa, Bella chica whenever a woman walks past them…even though you know they are standing there waiting to rob someone, waiting for someone to say “Yes please let me buy some hash or coke from you”…even they just belong there somehow. They are part of the painting.

Even the fact that you freeze so much at night, the walls don´t have any isolation and it´s terribly cold when you go to bed and wake up, even that is somehow OK.

Because, when you sit at Pl Catalunya, or walk through the Barcelonetta, buy a hot dog at Nou Camp, walk the streets at Pl Espana, Barri Gothico and Bourne…. When you have your beer or coffee at one of the small plazas, in such a simple way, life is happening. The guy is playing guitar 5 feet away, the dog that has no owner is relaxing in the sun 20 feet away, the waiter takes way too long to serve you but when he does it tastes fantastic. The soft bossa nova music is playing at the restaurant and the tapas might have been standing out for a long time but it´s somehow ok to not be healthy and even be unhealthy in Barca.

When a man tries to push himself inside a full metro train people yell and say “Puta madre! Que tonteria hombre!!! vale vale vale” instead of just thinking those things without saying them…

It just puts a smile on my face. A Huge smile…
Life is happening there…

Bad sleep

Two of my best friends have voted me schizophrenic now.
I have just realized how important good sleep is, and how much it affects you when you don´t have it.
Since I returned to Sweden from L.A, I have slept one whole night.
I wake up at like 3 every night thinking I have done something stupid, sent a stupid email, said something really brainless to somebody really important. Then I lie there…awake…for like an hour or two, flipping and turning, trying to figure out how to solve the big mistake that I´ve made. Only I never made it.
Finally I manage to tell myself, Jen, go back to sleep, deal w the problem tomorrow.
In the morning I´m tired and beat myself up for being such an idiot.

Last night the pillow was too hard. I slept at a friends house, in his bed, (just a friend!) and he was way to warm. I can´t take warm sleep-friends. Hell I sleep with my windows opened in SWEDEN.
So I figured tomorrow I´m gonna go and get this sleepy-tea. It makes you calm and ready for sleep they say…
AND I´ve decided I must turn off my computer at least an hour before I go to bed.
Let´s see how this goes… One thing is for sure: I need to sleep.

Guys-so predictable!!!!

-Okidoki slow down, dont really wanna do this now

-Oh it´s ok, we´re not gonna do anything else than just lie here

5 minutes later-10 degrees hotter:
- Yeah again, c´mon, it´s not gonna happen tonight, back off

-I know you already said that, does it have to be all or nothing? I promise you nothing else is going down tonight

(LMAO)
10 minutes later, hot hot hot, boiling hot:

-Hey, seriously, back off, I´m leaving

-Oh I promise I will be the one saying No later, I´m not even going to have sex w you if you ask me to

COUGH-COUGH-DOUBLE COUGH-BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! 

HAHAHAHA This is hilarious!! Such a guy thing to do! It´s not like girls don´t see through it.
I´ve had this happen to me a couple of times. Sometimes the timing is just not right. Sometimes you actually would consider seeing the guys face again, sometimes you´re on your period, sometimes  you haven´t shaved your legs… Point is, even though yes people in general should have more sex, there are still times when you just dont wanna…or just wanna but think you shouldn´t…

Wanna fuck?

“Can we just go and fuck”?

My best friend used to be a sex freak. Seriousy, he had new girls every weekend, had tried every place and every position in the world and peaked at somewhere in between 250-300 girls before he go tired of it. Sex that is.
Now he doesn´t even have to kiss a girl on the first date, he prefers to be serious. He is really that all or nothing type of person, I am too in one way. But it comes and goes in waves for me. Just like partying does. I can go out every weekend for 2 months and then not go out once in 6 months.
Now the appropriate thing for me to say would be “I can fuck a new guy every night for 3 weeks and then not have sex for a year” but THAT´S NOT TRUE.
However it´s weird to me that my girl friends think that it is not OK to say let´s go and just have sex if that´s what you want.
Guys do it all the time. And if that´s truly ALL you want cus there will be nothing after that except for perhaps more sex. Then I dont see the problem.
I don´t say it, but sometimes I wish I did.

I have one girl friend who I heard calling up an old guy friend of hers and she said “Hey, what are you wearing? Ok, sounds good, can U come over here just for an hour or two and take care of me”. The guy showed up 30 minutes later.

Pretty fucking simple isn´t it?

This post is gonna have the most hits ever because of the Title LOL…. And what´s that a sign of? People don´t have enough sex.

Gosh if my date for tonight reads this I am really screwed.