What You See Is What You Get

“A relationship always ends the way it starts” Marti told me today. She is one of the wisest women I´ve ever met and a big rolemodel for me. She has had her fair share of guys and it hasn´t always worked out due to different reasons but when she explained what she meant I really got the point she was trying to make.

“If he pushes your buttons til´it makes you nuts today, he will 2 years from now, if he prioritizes his interests today, he will 3 years from now….”

It´s very common to fall for somebody for the complete wrong reasons. Look around you, how many couples do you know that has stayed together for more than 1 year? 3 years? 7 years? 10????? I think it´s because they often didn´t see clearly in the beginning.
You see something interesting but it´s not really what you see that attracts you, it´s rather what could potentially become of the person that attracts you. It´s the thought of you personifying the other person, make them uniquily yours, change the small bad things into good, turning the silver into gold.

I realized today that it will never become anything between me and a guy I know.
He is always going to want to change me and I will always be mad at him for that. But that´s his way of keeping me under control, within distance, keep ME interested. If he wasn´t as intriguing and challenging, I would probably not put any time on him since that seems to be the only thing happening between us. No other action but lots of words.
A person doesn´t change, that´s the way it is.

Same things goes for people who express a lot of things, but nothing really happens. They say they´re going to do this and that, you´re going to go on that vacation together, they´re gonna take you here and there and come to that party and cook the most amazing dinner for you, love you like nobody else and jadda-jadda-jadda. I say Show me the money damn it! Show me the action, do it, don´t say it!
If we just try to look at what´s infront of us instead of what we think we see 5 years down the line, we might save ourselves some really hard times. If we see the take-away-thai food he comes home with and not the beautiful filé mignon he claims he will cook next week, then we know what we will get, both today, tomorrow and next week.
What he is today, is what he will be in a year from now. How she reacts and handles situations, how she speaks to people today, is the same way she will a year from now.

What you see is what you get. A very valuable lesson…